This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
