I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
