You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
