I puked a lego.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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