we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
