Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
