You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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