WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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