Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
