You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
