im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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