just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
