Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
