i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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