I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
