dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
