Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
