they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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