Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize