So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
