I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize