We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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