Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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