plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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