i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
