I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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