there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
