I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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