for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
