I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
