I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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