Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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