my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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