somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
