we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
