I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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