playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
