Someone shit on the floor
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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