Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
