the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
