the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
