im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize