I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
