I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
