I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
