forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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