god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
