i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
