I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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