how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
