just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize