C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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