you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
