Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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