I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
