i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
