im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
