you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
