I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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