Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
