look no pants
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Randomize
