We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
