I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
