Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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