Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
