I'm gonna have a badass scar
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
