party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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