I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
