i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.