im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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