whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
