I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
