Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
